The Perfect Family

"The Perfect Family"
By:Jen,Meghan,Zara,Shea

Jen Greselin- Summarizer

“The Perfect Family” by Alice Hoffman is about what was considered to be the perfect family, and how things have changed since then. She talks about when she was growing up and how there was only one kind of family, which seemed to be perfect. Families had perfect lawns, children were well behaved, fathers were in charge, people stayed married, and had well-balanced meals. She says that families, houses, and neighbors were all the same then. Questioning things was not allowed, and so was thinking about people who were different. Neighbors kept to themselves, and didn’t wonder what went on behind closed doors. Hoffman’s mother got a divorce when it was practically unknown, and was left to raise her children by herself. Divorce was so uncommon at the time that Hoffman did not meet another person until she went to college with parents who were divorced too. One of Hoffman’s friends wasn’t allowed to go to her house because her parents were divorced, and they didn’t think that was right. Hoffman’s mother had a job and a boyfriend, and did things around the house that fathers were supposed to do. She did things such as take out the trash, balance the checkbook, pay the bills, and take care of her children. Hoffman’s mother worked for the Department of Social Services, where she helped women and young girls. She also investigated abuse and neglect. Even though Hoffman’s friend who wasn’t allowed to visit her home seemed to have the perfect family, her father hit her when he didn’t like the boy who she was dating. No one would have expected this from him though, and never would have questioned him about it. Hoffman’s life could have been a lot different if she didn’t have a good mother. She could have been without food and heat, but her mother would still have the same love for her. Hoffman once believed in the perfect family, and the specific roles of mothers and fathers, but times have changed. She says that back when she was growing up people were afraid to be different. Today, there are still these perfect families, but their mothers don’t love them anymore than single moms love their children. She feels that she didn’t lose anything by being raised by a single mother, and thinks that no one can judge love.

Meghan Earnest-Passage Picker/Discussion Director

I believe the purpose of Alice Hoffman sharing her story with the readers was to break all the typical stereotypes of what it means to have the “perfect family”. On page 135 Alice states, “People stayed married forever back then, and roses grew by the front door,” in my opinion the description seems like a utopia absolutely perfect. However, everything wasn’t as black and white as Alice thought. In paragraph two on page 135, Alice stated, “We were to never, ever, wonder what might be hidden from view, behind the unlocked doors, in the privacy of our neighbors bedrooms and knotty-pine-paneled dens.” What type of life style doesn’t allow others to think or question? Or I wonder why “knotty-pine” was used to describe the panel. As time went by Alice’s mother and father separated and back then it was extremely uncommon for a family to get a divorce.
Alice, soon questioned, “Would that have meant my mother loved her children any less, that we were less of a family” (page 136). I believe during this whole transition Alice just questioned what made her family any less perfect, or any less of a family for that matter. Alice realizes and finally states, “Growing up we paid too high a price when we cut ourselves off from the rest of the world. We ourselves did not dare to be different. In the safety we created we became trapped “(page 136 paragraph ten). I believe that the society has done a good job of creating what is “proper” or “right” in their own mind set not allowing us to see the beauty in imperfections. Not all families have a mom and a dad, some consist of single mothers, single fathers, grandparents who take over the role, there’s two moms or two dads, and some families have step parents, none of these families are any more “perfect” than the other. No one should feel they have the power to judge someone’s life or make them feel inferior because how they were raised. Alice stated, “If I felt deprived as a child, it was only when our family was measured against some notion of what we were suppose to be” (page 136 paragraph twelve). However, in the end Alice states, “As far as we were concerned our mother could cure a fever with a kiss. This may be the only thing we need to know about love. The rest, no one can judge” (page 136 paragraph twelve). In the end I believe the main point Alice wants the readers to take away and understand is there is no such thing as the “perfect family” in terms of size or leadership roles. The perfect family is made by love and in the end love is all you need to get by. Love is what ultimately matters and no one can take it away from you.

Zara Zaengle- Researcher

Alice Hoffman's story is about vision of the perfect family growing up in the 1950's. Back then, it describes the ideal family with the neat patch lawn and the gentle mother who never raised her voice, but narrator was unlucky, known as an outcast in some ways because her mother was left to tend to her children by her lonesome. Back then, it was looked down upon but she described that other families had worse, even if it looked like the perfect family, behind closed doors it was a very different story. Today, an article by Lorrayne Anthony, states that "high divorce rates, blended families, common-law relationships, same-sex and single parents appear as though the nuclear family, and the 1950 "Leave it to Beaver " is all but forgotten.
Anne-Marie Ambert, a professor of York University in Toronto, cites a number of reasons for hanging face of the nuclear family, but suggests none has been more influential than consumerism, which she believes sent mothers marching into workforce and out of their traditional homemaking role. Also, Zelda Abramson, a sociologist at Acadia University says TV’s Cleaver family never really existed, so it's no surprise ones made in their image are hard to find now.
I also found another article in the Medical Library, the "Myth of the Perfect Family." It states that "The American family is rapidly changing. Today, with the entry of so many more women into the workforce, with the increasing divorce rate, and with the growing number of single-parent households, other family structures have become more common. Currently, 30% of American families are now headed by single parents, divorced, widowed, or never married. Some children live in foster families and/or gay and lesbian families. In more than 2/3 of families, both parents work outside the home. The Variations of family structures have certain qualities in common: Family members share their lives emotionally and together fulfill the multiple responsibilities of family life." Today, family life is changing, or has it been the same, just kept secret?

Shealene Bretz- Icon Crafter